Go ahead...rub me the wrong way.

Trigger me...it's fine.  

Irritate me, even better. 

Piss me off, now we're getting somewhere.  

Infuriate me, oh, this is the good stuff.

Truly.  I welcome it.  I've come to understand and even embrace these moments for what they are.  Gifts.  Chances for me to see how I react and respond differently than I used to.  These opportunities allow me to gauge my growth, to see how I'm progressing on this journey.

I've not always thought this.  Ahem.  No, this has taken many grudges, arguments, tears, and temper tantrums.  But I've come to understand something about myself along the way.

See, when somebody says something that hurts me, questions my belief system, or challenges my current understanding, it's not about me.  Seriously, it's not personal.  

It honestly has nothing to do with me.  It is theirs.  All theirs.  Their belief.  Their truth.  From their lifetime of experiences, it is their reality.  AND...it's divine and perfect for them.

Here is the fun part.  *I* get to choose...or NOT choose to accept it as mine.  If I don't like it, if it doesn't fit, I simply don't take it on.  I don't take it as personal.  They can keep it, it's okay.  

Then I let it go.

I think sometimes we tend to get stuck on this part.  We hear a new piece of information, an opinion, a perspective and immediately going into defense mode.  "No, that's not true."  

"How stupid, where did you come up with that?"  "I do not!"  "That's weird, yuck."  

"I'd NEVER do something like that, it's wrong."

Hear all that judgment?  Ouch.

I LOVE that we don't need to define, label, or accept anything anyone else offers us.  We can simply allow someone to believe what they believe.  Without having to defend our belief or opinion about it.

One of my favorite stories I share with people in my work goes like this:  If you're standing in line waiting for something, and the person in front of you drops their bag, do you pick it up and rummage around in it, and keep its contents for yourself?  

Or would you tap them on the shoulder and give them back the bag they dropped?

Of course you'd give them back the bag!  

(To whomever shared this with me along the way...THANK YOU!)

So, why oh why, do we pick up people's 'bags' (beliefs/opinions/perspectives) so often and keep them for ourselves!?

They dropped their bag (belief/opinion/perspective).  Kindly hand it back to them and say, 

"Here, this belongs to you."  

It. Is. Not. Yours.

I used to be easily provoked into confrontation.  I'm a work in progress, but for the most part I really do my best to handle things differently now.  

It can be quite intriguing how my refusal to join an argument can tick folks off sometimes.   

I've gotten pretty adept at smiling and saying, "Interesting.  I've never thought about that before."  "Hm, there is a different concept."  "What a great world to be able to have so much diversity!"

Holding that new space creates freedom.  A space of open dialogue.  A space for the other person to speak their truth without fear of judgment.  A space of compassion and empathy.  

It also reminds me that I can change.  I can grow.  I can react in a new way.  

I can allow another being an opportunity to simply be who they are and to believe what they believe.  That feels pretty alright to me. :)

I challenge you to listen differently today.  

There is a great quote by Stephen R. Covey that states, 

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply."

There is some serious power in that statement.  If you're in disagreement with someone, challenged by their belief or opinion...unless your words will be delivered with love and compassion, don't immediately reply.  Ask yourself if there is a need TO reply or defend.  Or can you just allow that person their opinion?  Can you entertain their idea without accepting it as yours?

Oh, the liberation you feel as you start practicing this.  It's pretty sweet.

On the flip side...don't forget to speak your opinions and beliefs.  And speak them with no attachment to how they will be received.  Do not look for approval or understanding.  If your thoughts and ideas come from your heart, then speak them with ease and grace.  Let others' reactions be their own reactions.  It's not up to you to determine if they are able to handle your truth or not.  That is theirs.    

Imagine a world filled with people who just spoke truthfully, carried themselves peacefully, listened with the intention of hearing, and loved one another for their own individuality.  

Mmhmm....that's the world I wanna live in. 

Tend your garden.  Let others garden their own way.  Oh, and watch the world bloom freely.