Tattered
I didn't realize the true significance of those words until later in the day.
We had left the house at 7:30 am, exactly as planned. Rob was scheduled to perform a wedding for a young, military couple in Minot at 12:00. We would arrive in Minot by 11:00, no problem.
7:45 we are still in town, watching the end of a 15 minute train. Fist twang of time concern.
While waiting for said train to pass, Rob casually informed me he had an appointment back in Grand Forks at 5:30 that same evening. Uhh...what? We are going to drive all the way to Minot then immediately turn around and drive back with no break? Why is the whole family going? I'd certainly not have brought Kenz and the pooch with for a family outing! It's hot, they're going to be miserable and that's a long time in the van! Why didn't he schedule his meeting for a later time so we could have gone to the zoo or park while in Minot before heading back? Why didn't I know this? Poor communication. Ugh. I admit, I went to a bad place.
In my resulting pout, I started processing a boat load of recent business decisions. Stinkin' thinkin' junk.
Are people upset about my decision with the store? Was it fair to others? Did I make a mistake going into the smaller location? Did I encourage people to follow? If the ones that did follow do not fare well in their own new business ventures, is that mine to worry about? Why do I personalize others' choices? Will I always feel "Mama Bird" guilt for pushing them out of the nest to test the strength of their own wings? Wasn't it their own free will to fly and make choices? Is this all ego making me feel responsible? Heavy stuff.
My focus comes back to the moment and the song on the radio? "Time for Me to Fly". Yes, I am listening.
We are following GPS and realize the destination of Lake Darling is much further from Minot than we realized. Not right outside of town, as the couple stated. More impact on time of arrival.
After many twists and turns on dirt (not even gravel) roads, we ended up at a gated-off, ominous dead end sign.
With nothing but some content cows on one side and a field of potatoes on the other, we looked at each other. I was waiting for Rob to panic. He didn't. He called the couple. They were lost too. They all agreed to meet at Roosevelt Park right in Minot instead of hunting for this location any longer. I looked at the clock, and immediately groaned with worry about Rob's meeting back in Grand Forks. Rob's meeting, not mine. Get that? I felt stress and tension in my body about his meeting. I caught myself, took a moment to breathe it in, and closed my eyes. This was not mine. Why was I taking on someone else's stuff...again?
We arrived at Roosevelt Park in the zoo parking lot and called the couple. They were at the other Roosevelt Park. We were now 1.5 hours behind schedule. Breathing. DEEP Breathing.
Rob is still calm. Oddly calm. Maybe he could feel the tick tock of my time bomb?! (OooOOo)
While we waited for the couple to arrive, we walked around in the grassy area outside the van. When they arrived, Rob went off with them to do their wedding in the park.
Rob told us later that one of their witnesses was detoured and didn't arrive for yet another 20 minutes. It really was laughable by now.
While Kenz, Zoe and I were waiting in the van with the AC, we started talking about elephants. I shared a story I once read about a charging elephant. She asked, "What would we do if an elephant charged out of the zoo right now, mom?" We were reclined in the seat together, snuggling. I said, "I'd just keep you wrapped in my arms and call in the angels." She said, "Yeah, Ganesh (who she insists is a SHE and an ANGEL) is an elephant, mom, so we would be good."
Logic.
Just like that, she decided to get out and walk around outside again. In the exact place she'd been before, she finds this:
Ok, this is what you call one of those "You can't make this shit up!" moments.
Just laying right there in the grass, where she had just walked a few minutes earlier.
And I am once again reminded, full force...EVERYTHING always happens in the EXACT way, in the PERFECT time it's supposed to.
If we'd not had all the detours and delays and redirections, we'd not have been having a perfect moment of connection, heart to heart, in the air-conditioned van. We'd never have found this angel and the delicate white feather right next to it. I would not have been hit with the 2x4 of realization.
Everything about the day changed at that point. I knew we were never 'off schedule'.
Rob contacted his couple back in Grand Forks and explained what had happened. They rescheduled. We had lunch at Spicy Pickle. It was awesome. On the road home, we took a random road behind Emerado to let Zoe run wild and free in a field, I snapped pictures of ND beauty, Rob conquered a fear and walked through a ditch filled with long grass where thousands of killer, man-eating snakes hid, and Kenz found enough rocks to fill two pockets to bulging capacity. We were each filled with our own bliss.
Happy and parched, we stopped at the convenience store in Emerado to grab some water. When we drove down the frontage road upon leaving, this beautiful creature awaited us:
We crept the van closer and closer as she sat on the side of the road, and she never once flinched. Just watched us. I opened the van door and still she trusted. We knew she was delivering a message.
Totem meaning of hawk?
Higher perspective. Thanks..I needed that.
I am open to higher perspective, beautiful hawk. I am willing to let go of what I THINK something should look like, and to just appreciate all that IS. Let go of mundane details and allow.
Great appreciation for a great day.
